


Love at first Thought

by pepiandpearl



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco, Ryden - Fandom
Genre: Fate, Fluff, M/M, One Shot, soul mates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-28
Updated: 2016-11-28
Packaged: 2018-09-02 18:40:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8678935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pepiandpearl/pseuds/pepiandpearl
Summary: I found this prompt online that I found really interesting and so this happened..."Imagine your OTP living in a world where as soon as you see your soul mate, you get telepathic powers with the other. Now imagine your newly telepathic OTP running through a busy New York City street looking for each other."





	

The word soulmate made Ryan very angry. Most people would swoon at the word but not him. _**Fuck soulmates.**_ See the thing was that in his world, everyone had a soulmate out there. Everyone. But the only way you would know they were your soulmate is if you saw each other. Once you saw each other a telepathic connection would open up. Your minds would be connected for the rest of your days. Every thought, past and present all for them to see. Every last detail. It was all very silly to Ryan. How can someone you don’t even know just become the person you want to spend the rest of your days with? Why do they get to know everything about you without getting to know you? That bothered him. Maybe Ryan was just bitter for all the problems the whole soulmate thing caused him.

It all started in Kindergarten. Ryan had a huge crush on this girl, her name was Amanda. She was the cutest girl in his class and she would always share crayons with him. Surely, he thought, she liked him. All the other boys were afraid of cooties but not Ryan. He wanted all the cooties. One day Ryan decided to draw a pretty picture for Amanda using her crayons. He went up to Amanda with the drawing in his tiny hands “I like you” He said. Expecting Amanda to reciprocate his feelings. But you know what she told Ryan? “Mommy said I have a soulmate. You’re not my soulmate.” And just like that she walked away to play with the other children. He looked at his drawing of a heart and threw it in the garbage.

But it didn’t end there, all throughout his years in school all everyone ever talked about was their soulmates. No one would actually date because they knew they wouldn’t end up with each other, so why even try? Ryan wanted to date someone. He wanted to love someone. He wanted someone he could talk to for hours and hours. Someone who would make his heart flutter.

No one wanted to date him. Not if he wasn’t their soulmate. They didn’t mind fucking him. But dating? That was a ridiculous idea.

By the time he graduated high school most people had already found their soulmates. He cursed soulmates. He didn’t want to believe in it. He wanted all soulmates to end up hating each other. To burn. To fucking disappear. All throughout his life he had to see people find their “other half”. All his friends had found their soulmates by now. He was furious. They were all happy. All filled with purpose.

What did he have? He had his dog, Dottie. That was enough for Ryan. **_Fuck soulmates._**

  
Yet, deep down inside he longed to find that person who would change his life forever. Someone who complimented him so perfectly that he’d never feel empty again. He tried to be someone who didn’t need someone else to make him feel better. Ryan still wondered what it would be like to have someone who understood and felt everything that was going on in your mind. Someone who would get it. But Ryan wanted to get to know them. He didn’t want all their secrets all at once. He wanted to discover them. That was beautiful to Ryan, finding someone so captivating that you want to know everything about them. A journey you both take to know each other’s hopes and fears. That would not be the case if he happened to find his soulmate. They would see each other and immediately morph into each other’s minds. They would know it all. No discovery to be made. No journey. **_Fuck soulmates._**

Still, it secretly terrified him that he was the only one without a soulmate. The one left out. The joke.

He had heard stories of people who never got to find their soulmates. It was very rare but it happened. Their soulmates would die before they got to find each other. Accidents. Murder. Suicide. They had to live the rest of their lives wondering if their soulmate was out there. Waiting and waiting. Never hearing their words in their mind. Going absolutely mad. Dying all alone.

There were also stories of people who found their soulmate in the last years of their lives. Only having a few years to spend with them. Just a couple of years with them after decades of waiting. A man once found his soulmate a day before she died. He was eighty-six and had a lot of health issues. He’d spent sometime in the hospital now. Then one-day while being rolled in his wheel chair to his room he heard it. He laid eyes on a women being bought in a gurney. They both stared at each other for a split second. The voice. It was finally there. He recounted the last few words they shared before she died. The way their minds became one. Their first and last hello. The man got to live for two more years. Her mind forever in his.

That was terrifying to Ryan. That is why he decided to stop believing in soulmates. He didn’t want to set himself for disappointment.

Then there was his father. Synopsis: He found his mother. They loved each other. They had him. But she died giving birth to Ryan. His father blamed Ryan for the rest of his life. He died hating his son. Turned into an alcoholic. They found him dead. He had drowned in his own vomit.

**_Fuck soulmates._ **

“What are you doing tonight?” asked Ryan. They had flown into NYC for a show and Ryan was dying to explore the city. It had been a while since he had last been here. Back when he recently had turned twenty. His band’s first tour. Almost ten years ago. He wanted to do something. Anything to distract him.

His bandmate, Kenneth, was packing up his guitar. They had just finished practicing for the show tomorrow. “I’m going to take Victoria to see a musical. She’s been dying to see Hamilton and I got her some tickets to go see it. I got so lucky. All the tickets are sold out for almost year! Can you believe it? Man, she’s going to love it. She was so happy when I got them.” How lovely.

Kenneth laughed. “She says hi by the way. I’m talking to her right now.” Ryan wanted to shoot himself in the face. Victoria was Kenneth’s soulmate. They had found each other through mutual friends about ten years ago. He loved Kenneth but despised the connection he and Victoria had. It wasn’t fair.

“That’s nice. Hope you have fun.” Said Ryan trying to sound as genuine as possible. Kenneth gave him a warm smile “I’ll see you!”.

Maybe Spencer would be down to go somewhere. His soulmate wasn’t with him on the tour. He thanked the universe for that. Ryan approached him on the way out of the venue. “Dude, you down to go explore the city?” No answer. “Spence?” No answer.

Ryan sighed. “Sorry, I was talking to Linda. What’s up?” Answered Spencer.  
Ryan was going to go crazy.

“Nothing, nevermind.”

“Ryan! I’m sorry. Honestly, I didn’t mean to do that. I’m totally down to go somewhere. Let me just finish talking to Linda. She’s asking me about wedding planning stuff.” _ **Fuck you Spencer.**_

“Forget it.” Ryan stormed off. He heard Spencer call after him but he didn’t want to hear it. He was done. He was going to just go to remote island and die there. In peace. Linda was Spencer’s soulmate and they were just recently engaged. They found each other four years ago. He was thankful that Linda came into Spencer’s life during such a dark time for him. She managed to help Spencer to stop drinking. He’s now recovering and happier than ever. Ryan was grateful, he really was. Spencer was his best friend after all. But Linda was all Spencer ever talked about. Once again Ryan was left out.

He wasn’t even going to ask Dallon to hang out. There was no fucking point. _ **Fuck them too. Fuck their marriage. Fuck their cute children. Fuck them. Also fuck Breezy she was annoying as fuck. Fuck Dallon too.**_

Ryan put on his glasses and put up his hoodie as he exited the venue. He didn’t want to be bothered today. If a fan even approached him he was going to lose it. He had it with people. The cold night winter air helped Ryan relax.

He usually wasn’t usually this angry. He just felt extra empty today.

Ryan turned the block onto fifth avenue. A huge mistake. The street was packed. You couldn’t even walk normally because of the amount of people trying to head in the same direction. Everyone pressed to each other as if they were in a concert. Ryan frantically looked around trying to find a way out. No escape. A literally picture of his day to day life. He laughed at himself. People gave him odd looks.

He finally found an exit. When he looked up he saw Central Park. Perfect place to get lost. He walked right in. Far less people in there. He decided to take a more desolated path. No one was to be seen around the area. There was a tiny waterfall further down. The area was beautiful with the moonlight hitting it softly. Ryan went off the path and sat by the rocks near the waterfall. Finally, peace and quiet.

_Where the fuck am I? I hate the subway. Who even thought the subway was a good idea? Why did I think coming to NYC was a good idea? I should have gone to California. No stupid subways there._

“What the fuck?” said Ryan out loud. His eyes widened. _**Where did that voice come from?**_

_Take the Q train blah blah blah then the R and then the XYZ train. What does that even mean? Why do they-_

There it was again. Ryan sat there frozen.

_Am I imagining things?_

_**I am imagining things.** _

_Hello? Please tell me I haven’t gone insane. Is someone there?_

Ryan didn’t know what to do. He was frozen in shock. _**This cannot be happening. No. No. No. No.**_

_Holy shit! Holy shit! IT’S HAPPENING. I was NOT expecting this. When did I even see you?_

There it was a male voice in his head. A male voice. He was confused. Surely this was not right. **_Why would a guy be my…person._**

_Just so you know there are same sex sou-_

**_Don’t say it. Stop. Don’t say it._** He was not ready to accept that word. He was not ready for this. He didn’t want this. Ryan wanted out. Ryan wanted to shut his mind off.

 _Hey hey hey. Calm down. It’s alright._ The sweet voice laughed. Ryan’s heart started to beat strangely. _I know this is super freaky. I wasn’t ready for this either. I’m fucking lost as fuck in the subway. Then, BAM I hear some random dude’s voice._

Ryan tried his best not to think about anything. He just stared at the water flowing. He tried to rationalize the situation.

_You know I can hear you right? You’re thinking very loudly. No matter how much you try not to think I can still hear you talking about not wanting to think. Nice try. Sorry to tell you this but this isn’t going away no matter how much we both don’t want this._

**_You don’t want this?_** Because Ryan sure as hell didn’t want this.

_I mean, eventually I did want this to happen. Just not right now. I thought it would be different. More romantic? It’s obvious you don’t want this._

**_I…Just don’t believe in..._ ** Soulmates.

_Just say Soulmates, Jesus._

Ryan rolled his eyes and continued… ** _All my life I made myself believe it wasn’t there. That…You didn’t exist._**

_Well, I exist. So what do we do about this now?_

**_I don’t know._ ** He really didn’t know what to do. There was no guidebook for all this shit. Or maybe there is but Ryan wasn’t going to read it.

_The guidebook says to start off with an introduction. Hi, my name is Brendon. What’s your name?_

**_You mean there actually is a guide?_ **

_I’m poking fun at you. Jeez. What’s your name?_

**_Ryan._ **

_Okay, that’s a start. You’re a musician?_

**_Uh, yeah I am._** The lead singer of Panic! At The Disco to be more precise.

_I’ve never heard of Panic! At The Disco._

**_We’re actually pretty popular._ ** And very famous. He was slightly offended he didn’t know who he was.

_Not popular enough apparently. I’m just joking. Don’t get you panties in a bunch. Wow, my soulmates the lead singer of a band. That’s kind of hot._

Ryan laughed. He felt his cheeks get warm. _**I mean, I guess...You’re a hair stylist?** _ Ryan couldn’t describe how it was for him to suddenly know these small things. It was almost as if there were files in his head that Ryan could just pull out and read. Some more securely locked than others. A clear sign those files would take more time to be revealed. At least not all their deepest darkest secrets were out in the open.

 _Yeah! Not famous or anything. Just making an honest living. Not saying that you’re not._ It was as if Ryan could feel Brendon smile.

 ** _Not so honest sometimes._ ** He was in it for the music but sometimes the industry made it about the money. The more popular you became the less meaning your music had.

_At least you're honest. Your profession might not be but it doesn’t define you. Music does- not necessarily the music industry. At least from what your mind says and your mind says a lot. You think a lot._

**_Yeah. I am always stuck in my own head._ **

_And now I’m stuck in yours and you in mine._

Ryan smiled. **_Your mind isn’t so bad- for the most part._** Brendon’s head was full of bouncing thoughts and ideas. Files all over the place. Scattered about his brain nothing in just one spot.

_My mind's a fucking mess. I have ADHD so have fun with that._

**_I think I can deal with that._ ** It was going to be a challenge that he was up for. The idea of getting to read about this person was exciting to Ryan all of the sudden.

_We’ll see about that. So you’re finally accepting that I exist?_

He tested the waters. _**Why do you ask if you know what the answer is?**_

_I want to hear you say it._

_**My mind is saying it.** _

_Yeah, but not you._

He sighed. **_Fine, you exist._**

_Progress. Maybe in ten years we’ll finally see each other instead of fifty._

_**Very funny.**_ Brendon has the witty attitude to him. Ryan liked it. It was endearing.  
_You find me endearing. I know. What’s your last name? Oh, Ross. Why do I even ask?_

Ryan rolled his eyes. **_You’re going to Google me, really?_**

_Might as well. I don’t know if I’ll ever get to see your face…Oh, I didn’t expect you to look like this. You’re alright, at least you’re not ugly._

**_Your mind says I’m more than just alright._ **

_My mind is saying a lot about you right now._

_**Very vividly.** _

_Good. Hope you like it._

Ryan laughed. He felt so childish. Like a schoolboy talking to his crush. A strange feeling overcame him. It was a bit overwhelming. He never imagined it would be like this. The basis of soulmates at first sounded so superficial. He had built this idea in his head that when you found your soulmate you automatically knew everything about each other. That it was all out there. Nothing to be hidden. The magic that he wanted to feel would be lost in the process. That’s what everyone said. That’s how they described it. Ryan wondered if something was wrong between him and Brendon since they weren’t experiencing that.

 _I know it is strange. Sorry, you were thinking out loud. I can’t read certain parts of your mind. I thought it was just me. Are we broken? Defected soulmates?_  
_I can hear you when you think out loud and I can read some other things but not much. Does that mean we have to actually get to know each other?_

They were defected or maybe everyone else was defected and they were the normal ones. **_It seems so._**

 _How tedious!_ Ryan could feel Brendon smile again. _Imagine having to actually get to know your soulmate. Jeeeeezzzz._

Ryan had to find his way into the deeper parts of Brendon’s mind. Something in him wanted to find out who he was. He wanted to read about him. Captivated by the way Brendon’s mind worked.

He wasn’t so scared anymore.

Ryan started to get up. **_Where are you?_**

_I have no fucking clue. I’m lost, remember?_

_**Where were you last?** _

_By fifth avenue. Then I went down the subway near Central Park._

**_I was in fifth avenue. That’s where we saw each other._ **

_It was so crowded we didn’t even notice each other. Wow!_

**_Okay, go back the way you entered. I’ll meet you by there. I’m in Central Park._ **

_I don’t remember where I entered!_

_**Just find stairs!** _

_Ugh, I hate the subway._

Ryan started running back down the path into the entrance. The subway right there. He looked around with no Brendon in sight. Wait, he didn’t even know how he looked like.

_Where the fuckkkk am I?... Oh yeah, you don’t know how I look like. You sadly, can’t google me. Just look for the cutest guy near you. I’m just half kidding. I have brown hair, brown eyes, and I’m wearing a black trench coat._

**_What a unique description. That’s just about everyone in NYC right now._ **

_Well, I’ll know when I see you. So I’ll wave or something._

**_Okay, but where are you?_ **

_I have no idea._ Brendon laughed. Ryan smiled. _You’re going to have to find me. I honestly don’t know where I am dude._

_**Ask someone for directions.** _

_I can do that but it’ll be more romantic if you find me._

_**Shut up.** _

  
_That’s impossible… Okay I’m just going to walk down see where it takes me._

_**No just stay there. You’re going to get more lost.** _

_But I’m already walking down._

_**Brendon just stay where you are. Tell me what you see.** _

_Oh, I see a museum. Let me get closer._

Ryan’s heart was going to explode.

_The Museum of Natural History. Do you know where that is?_

**_No, but I know how it looks like. I’ll just ask for directions since you can’t._ **

Ryan approached someone on the street and asked where the museum was. It was just around the corner and across the street. He started to run down the block towards the museum. Soon enough he could see the building illuminated by lights. There was a bunch of people taking pictures in front of it. Who could he be? Ryan took off his hoodie and looked around. The light turned red and he sprinted across.

**_Where are you?_ **

_I’m here. Where are you?_

_**In the front. I don’t see you.** _

_I’m wearing glasses._

**_Like sunglasses? What a douchebag._ **

_No, glasses dumbass._

Then he heard it. Not just in his head but out loud. Somewhere in the crowd of people he heard that laugh. His heart was beating like crazy. He looked around but he couldn’t see him. He didn’t even know how he looked like but he kept searching.

**_Still don’t see you. You sure you’re not wearing sunglasses because I see a douchebag with glasses by me._ **

People started to move around and he spotted a man standing by the entrance. He looked very confused. He had short brown hair and a black trench coat. His jaw line defined, a slight blush on his cheeks from the cold, and plump pink lips to match. His heart dropped. It was him.

 _Ryan? Where are you? I can’t even hear you. It’s all whispers._  
Brendon pouted his lips. Ryan smiled.

**_Look to your right._ **

Brendon turned to the right. Their eyes made contact and suddenly everything made sense to Ryan. Brendon’s cheeks starting to turn a darker shade of pink. He was beautiful. It sounded cliché but Ryan couldn’t describe Brendon any other way. He had brown eyes that could make your heart stop. That’s what sold Ryan the most. Ryan started to walk towards Brendon without thinking. Ryan’s heart wouldn’t stop bouncing around his chest.

 _ **You’re beautiful.**_ “Hi” was all Ryan could say.

“Your pictures don’t do you justice.” Brendon smirked. _So are you._

It was Ryan who was blushing now. “Want to sit and talk for a little while somewhere?”

 _As long as I get to see your smile._ “Yes.” Brendon smiled widely.

 _ **Deal.** _ “Cool.” Ryan’s heart fluttered.

Those big brown eyes that glistened along with the moon had all the answers. He was sure of it, he just had to dig a little deeper.


End file.
